I don’t have a very good memory, I forget things really quickly so writing things down helps if I need to recall what I did on a specific day or something like that. I do it so I can get my emotions out because I keep most things to myself…so journaling is my way of “talking things out”…but the main reason I do it is so that I can see where I once was and where I’ve come. You look at situations with a totally different perspective when you are no longer in the middle of it.
My January 1st of 2011 started really well…I spent the day with my friend Jonathan but the day took a bad turn as many would at that time. Jonathan is the one person I opened up to. No one else knew anything, except that I was unhappy. It’s really crazy for me to read my old entries compared to my current ones. I am thankful that I felt what I did, and faced what I did…because I have a perspective I wouldn’t have otherwise. It makes me happy that people can see a difference in me now. Jonathan has commented on my more current facebook pictures…pointing out how good it is to see that I have a real smile in them.
I think sometimes sadness will be the very thing that leads you away from it. There was a point in my internship, where I didn’t feel like I fit in with the people around me. I wasn’t getting very many messages from anyone back at home either…I felt completely disconnected. So I went searching for people to talk to, I needed a connection to my home. If I’d never felt that sadness, I wouldn’t of bothered looking for anyone to talk to. I am thankful that I felt that, because it allowed me to meet someone special. While I was still in Bangladesh, I was worried about how things were going to be when I got home. I was afraid that once I no longer had my roommates and friends constantly around me…that the happiness I felt there…was going to disappear as well. I thought I was going to miss it like crazy…but I haven’t really felt that. I’m happy to be home, and I am happy with how things are right now.